small talk

Lady K and I will be attending a party tonight. I dread it for two reasons. It has been titled, "a halloween party." This implies a dress up party. Now, underlying every halloween party is a competition, whether it is outright or not. everybody who walks through the door is judged within the first three seconds. Presentation is key. There are three main approaches to this. There is the classic scary. This is everything from dracula, to modern gore. Scary takes some planning and preperation and often invovles makeup. Then is the sororety sexy, best exemplify by the movie and television industry. (ie"I'm a vampire with cleavage and a short skirt." or "I'm a kitten in lengerie.") Then there is the humorous. You confuse them with your appearance prompting a question. "Who are you?" Now here comes the punchline. It better be good.
One's costume must be at least one of three things. It must be creative. It must be humorous. It must be awesome. of course, it doesn't have to meet these requirements. But you better be sure that if it doesn't meet one or more of these requirements, it doesn't look like you tried to meet one or more of these requirements. Cause then you just look like a faluire. Lady K and I have not spent the last two month's plotting our dress up, and therefore are left with all of these last minute pressures. We will most likely go for the "not looking like we tried" catagory. It always seems to attract the least amount of attention.

I did say, I dread the party for two reason. I am becoming increasingly poor at socializing. The close friends I can do. I'm talking about the "you know me, I know you, but we don't ever really talk" socializing. Then there is the "you don't know me, I know you" or the "you don't know me I don't know you". All of these I have extreme difficulty in coping with. The condition I am most comfortable with is the "you know me, I don't know you." Maybe it's because I feel I have the upperhand (what the hell is that psychology?). When appraoched by people, I am instantly ackward. The worst part is I don't shut down. This seems like it would be best for everyone. Instead, I turn on, I start talking. I make not funny jokes, stick my foot in my mouth, and try to keep the conversation continuous with very poor small talk. All the while the real me is distant and observing. "What the hell is he saying?" I don't know, it's all a bit weird. Just a case of the old man crazy coming out prematurely. Maybe it's the chemo.