stream of cautiousness

This week, I had finals. And now, I'm done.

I've come to a couple conclusions. I don't know what I want to do in life , and I don't think I ever will. That kind of decision just isn't possible for me. What confidence one would have to have to make such a claim. But it's not just I lack confidence in my abilities, as in "I'm a big wussy-pants." I lack the confidence that the decisions I make today will be one's I will agree with tomorrow. Agree with? I don't know if that's right. Actually, decisions seems kinda broad too. I think I mean those big decisions, the big decisions that have to do with career paths, like what I want to do with my life. I lack the confidence that the career I pick will be something I really care about. And God forbid, I do something I don't really care about. cause then it would just be a job, for the money's sake. And what if the money doesn't motivate me. Then I won't do my job, and then I won't get the money. Then the world will know what I lazy, apathetic ass I am.
So what it sounds like to me is I'm too afraid to make decisions, because if I do then I've committed to trying to succeed at something. and I'm not sure that I'll always feel like succeeding. And when a point comes when I don't feel like it I might stop trying, which would obviously impede my succeeding and thus result in the opposite of success. Which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that ones failures, more often than not, affect others.

seriously? This is my post? Somebody needs to hang out with friends more often. Somebody needs to get more involved in church. Somebody needs to not being blogging in a dark room by himself.